What we all need

It had been a long day for my little boy. His little 7-month-old body was tight and tense and long, loud cries escaped from his mouth. Tears ran down his face which was contorted into a defeated and angry expression. It was bed time. He was done. The day of breaking in 6 new teeth had proven too challenging for him. He hadn't napped all day, hadn't been too interested in playing or laughing and now, now he was just done.

I scooped him out of his bouncer chair and turned the lights down in his cozy room, turned his sound machine on low- the sound of soothing rain, sank down into the recliner in his room and I nestled him close- one last time to nurse before bed. And he settled. He settled. His little eyes stopped seeping tears and his body relaxed and he melted into me. He was finally where he wanted to be. I looked down at his sweet little face, the face of the one I love, and I cried.

I cried.

Big, heavy tears shaking from me, maybe shaking me loose? Because, Oh God, isn't that where I want to be? Maybe where we all want to be? Oh to be nestled close to You where You can soothe the things that hurt. That have hurt so long. That hurt so deep. Because in 13 days the calendar will mark the date when she took her last breath 3 years ago and I'm still hurting for her, that sister who left too early. And there are other things, too, things I don't understand and can't make sense of but that hurt or make me pause and shake my head and wonder why? Isn't close to You, oh God, where You nestle me close and rock me still and settle me? As he settles- sweet little child- in my arms, I cry big, hard tears and wish and pray that You could settle me, too.

Isn't it what we all want? Oh God, ain't it what we all need?

And immediately, (oh, that hard hard lesson of gratitude), immediately I feel thankful that You are the settling type of God.


A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped...The disciples woke him [Jesus] and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm...


..."Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" (excerpts from Mark 4: 35-41)


Who is this? Oh, He's my settling type of God.


He does care. Care if we drown. If the sorrows of life- the hardness of life, the "why's?" and wonders and things that make us sadly shake our heads- threaten to swallow us up, to drown us completely. He cares. So when the day has been too long and the challenges of life have proven to be more than we can bear, He draws us close, nestles us close, and brings the stillness and the calm that we all need.

In that room, that quiet room where my little boy sleeps nestled and firm in the arms of a momma who loves him, I cry crazy gratitude that You are the God who settles and that I can sleep firmly nested in arms of a Father who loves me. Who calms the storm.

Isn't that what we need, oh God? Isn't that what we all need?