To you, whom we wait for

It was this long kind of weekend and each day I thought, maybe today is the day we will meet you? But the sun rose and set and you stayed safe tucked inside, wiggling and kicking and lodging that foot just inside my ribcage just the way your sister used to. I imagined you, your sweet face and maybe pudgy cheeks and wondered what color you'd have and how long those kicky legs are. Your sister rubs my belly and says she knows you're a sister even though we're not sure. Your brother gets long running starts and bashes into you and maybe already you're learning he's a little rougher and he's learning how to be gentle with you? Oh, how he'll love you.

I want you to know you're coming home to loving arms and legs and hugs and kisses and songs at bedtime. You're coming home to dance parties and family walks in the fall and spring and too many Christmas decorations (like there is such a thing) and so so much love. We're not perfect, this family of yours, and somedays we're confused and I can't find your brother's shoes and your sister doesn't want to do anything at all and I feel tired, but there is so so much love.

Daddy can't wait to meet you. He rubs my tummy and says your name in prayer and asks God what he asked for the two before you. He rubs my back when the weight of you pulls down and asks what else he can do to help me get ready for you.  He washes your clothes and sets up the bassinet, readies the car seat and reminds me to bring that pillow thing I really liked that last time. I smile at his excitement. Oh, how he loves you.

And I? Well, I feel like I've known you this whole time. Since the moment the ultrasound said, yes, you were there and when I felt you and now always feel you. And I love you more than I will ever be able to show you. I can't wait to see you and hold you and I'm sorry for the times I don't want to let you go.

But the truth is, we belong together. All of us.

And there is something else you should know. You are one of ours. That means we will fight for you and we will bat for you and we will lay our lives down for you. You never need ask. We will be here always, whether physically or just inside your heart and head. Your mommy and daddy guiding the way. Your brother and sister protecting and watching over you. We will share secrets and inside jokes, dreams and disappointments. We will hold your hand and protect your heart. We will pray for you and with you and ask God for wild things for you. We will laugh with you and build you up. We will forgive you and ask your forgiveness. We will always give you another chance.

You are one of ours and you belong right here. 

We are waiting for you. Our arms and eyes and hearts and lives are waiting for you. One of ours, precious one. We'll be right here.

See you soon.

Love, Mom