What Dirty Dishes Are For

I wrote a letter to a friend today that she suggested I share with you all. I changed a little so as not to give away personal information about her life, but most of it is the same:

Hello Friend,

I am feeling very Ann Voskamp-y today, of course because I am reading her book right now. But anyway, I wrote this letter to you in my head while washing dishes. So I thought I'd type it up.

Thanks for offering to wash my dishes today, but I wanted to explain why I need those dirty dishes in my life right now. Because it feels sometimes, like much around me is chaos. My toddler explorer pulls apart our mail and leaves it in tiny pieces on the un-vacuumed carpet. My infant son cries most days for arms to hold him and voices to soothe him and I am hard up for time to myself these days. And I feel mentally tired and there is so much more to do than clean up pieces of mail and hold my baby.  Our toilets need scrubbing and the stairs need vacuuming, and when was the last time I Windexed the glass, and what ever will I do about money later this year...and if I can't stop and slow down I may miss what God wants me not to miss today. 

And then there is the stack of dirty dishes. They are higher up on my to-do list because the kitchen gets more use and is way more noticeable than the smudgy glass and un-vacuumed steps. So when the baby finally rests and my explorer takes a nap I do the dishes. The dishwasher is broken so its me and my bare hands scraping and scrubbing and it feels good to do this work with my own hands. It feels good to subtract something from the chaos and add a little order. And while I scrub the dirt off the dishes I ask God to scrub the dirt off of me. And I ask for Him to heal our friend's husband with cancer, and I tell Him I miss my sister, and pray that my friend's son finds the college just right for him, and can't He please keep chipping away at the things that keep us from Him, and won't He remind her of how much He loves her and how, even when things are chaotic in her life, He's wiping away the dirt, too, and what is left will be sparkly and clean and even more beautiful? I ask for peace and protection for my kids and for a faith for them that surpasses mine and I ask for a deep, deep love of God to be our center, and please God, please keep me praying.

I scrub with hands deep in water and I think that if I didn't have this mess to bring order to each day I would miss the order he wants to bring to me each day. I would miss His depths and mine, too. I want a life marked by prayer even if some days and in some ways I don't know how it all works or why it all works. And I want to remember Him even in the chaos and disorder in my life because when will things ever for always be peaceful? When will there be only order in my life? If I can't learn to search Him out in the mess of my life then I won't ever learn to search Him out at all because life will always be a little bit chaotic. But I still want Him and I still want the depths. So I scrub and He scrubs and we find each other there, and for a few moments I remember what I'm supposed to be about and those moments stretch in my mind and in my heart all day and so, even amidst the chaos, I grow. I still need to grow.

So, thank you for offering to wash my dishes, but I need them. I really need them. But I don't necessarily need the toilets or stairs. 

Just kidding? :)

Lovies.

Latrice