It's this slow moving kind of day. So much work to be done and how can everywhere I look display a mess that will require more attention than I can give? And the youngest of "The Littles" keeps tugging his hair with his little thumb in his mouth and collapsing on my lap. I need to move. There is so much to do. And the oldest doesn't want her animal crackers but wants to dump every tiny toy onto the floor I just managed to clear and her eyes flare with an ornery disobedience I sometimes love. She's so wild and free and most days I just want to dance with her. But there is another "Little" coming soon and wouldn't it be great if she had clean clothes and a little space of her own when she arrives?
Just one day, I want to be that "has it all together woman". Why don't I? Why is that feeling so far and in between all the dumped out toys and little thumb sucking clingy boys and detangling spray for that girl's curls just as wild as she is?
I offer TV and slip away to do more laundry, but they find me again and want... just me. I throw my hands up and give in to the "to-do list" that I won't beat today. The unkept piles of mail and the towers of toys and dishes from dinner that still linger on the table linger still. And at 12:00 when I should be making lunch we eat Chex Mix in my bedroom, everyone all smiles and crunching. The youngest works well with me because I prefer the chex and he only the pretzels. The oldest holds hers in a bowl like a treasure to be cherished. And I wonder- what will matter to them when they are old enough to say? Chex Mix in Mommy's room or always clean sheets and never dishes piled? Their faces tell. And is any woman really the "has it all together woman"? Those ones who seem to have it all together maybe have learned that the only way to have it together is to sometimes let things fall apart. This new little one may not be carried into a perfectly cleaned and organized home. But she will find two siblings who love her and a mother and father who can't wait to add her to this thing we call family. And as we eat Chex Mix and crunch and laugh and slow, I realize that's really what matters.
