I know Thanksgiving hasn't even come yet but I have some thoughts on Christmas to share. Really just one thought with many words.
Last year a few weeks before Christmas my family and I were out to eat. I was sitting at the table very pregnant with our toddler while the other two kids were going through the buffet line with Reuben and my mom. To the left of me a young mother and her son, probably 8 years old, were sitting silently. They were both visibly upset. Finally she said, "If you get in trouble at school again, you aren't getting any presents for Christmas. Santa won't come and I'm not getting you anything. You have to be good or you won't get anything!" The boy started crying and she told him to stop.
I was heartbroken for him. I hear this sort of thing a lot this time of year.
Can I share some thoughts on this? One mom to another?
The thought of making my kids "earn Christmas" makes my heart hurt. Christmas is when we celebrate God's FREE gift to the world. A Savior born to us in the town of David. The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. The gift of God FREELY lavished on us. We did nothing to earn Him. We do nothing to keep Him. He is the greatest gift we will ever receive and He is free. No strings attached. No behavior clauses to fulfill.
How does God feel that we celebrate the day He gave us the FREE gift of His Son by making it about earning love and earning stuff? We've turned Christmas into Santa's Behavior program with requirements not one of us can meet. "You better be good, Santa can see you!" And now instead of eager expectation our kids are filled with guilt and worry. They know that they can not be "good". They know that they fail. They know that sometimes it's just too hard to always do the right thing. And I wonder if they begin to doubt they are enough for God or are enough for us? If all they hear is that they aren't measuring up for us how will they ever believe that someone greater than us loves them just as they are?
And here is a great opportunity, moms, parents, teachers, childcare workers- humans. Acknowledge your child's failure and use it to point them to Christ.
If you're going to talk about right and wrong and behavior and earning gifts at Christmas, then talk to your child about sin and the struggle to do what we should do. Tell her God knew we couldn't do anything right on our own and that's why He gave us Christmas. That's why He gave us Christ and we didn't have to earn Him at all. Tell her Christmas is free even if she yells at her sister for the 9th time today and even if she didn't pass that spelling test and even if she slammed that door shut in anger. Christmas isn't about our imperfection, it's about God's perfect love. So no matter what, there will be a present under the tree. We will celebrate that God never gives up on us. We will rejoice because we will never have to earn His faithfulness.
I know it's hard sometimes not to use everything you've got to try to get our children to behave. But can I ask you to take Christmas out of the arsenal pile? It's not a threat or a punishment- it's a gift. It's free. And it's the best gift your child will ever receive so let her have it- no strings attached.
And watch how your child blossoms under this new found freedom. Watch how she grows under the blanket of love and hope instead of punishment and fear. Watch how she learns to talk to God and to you about the things she struggles with and how she genuinely wants to try to do better.
And if you still really want to withhold a holiday, take away President's Day. No one cares about that anyway. :)
