To the Christian Mommas on Christmas...

I'm working on a new site but I wanted to get this post out there so I'm using my old reliable site. No fancy pictures or art- just some thoughts. Thanks for stopping by!

I know Thanksgiving hasn't even come yet but I have some thoughts on Christmas to share. Really just one thought with many words.

Last year a few weeks before Christmas my family and I were out to eat. I was sitting at the table very pregnant with our toddler while the other two kids were going through the buffet line with Reuben and my mom. To the left of me a young mother and her son, probably 8 years old, were sitting silently. They were both visibly upset. Finally she said, "If you get in trouble at school again, you aren't getting any presents for Christmas. Santa won't come and I'm not getting you anything. You have to be good or you won't get anything!" The boy started crying and she told him to stop.

I was heartbroken for him. I hear this sort of thing a lot this time of year.

Can I share some thoughts on this? One mom to another?

The thought of making my kids "earn Christmas" makes my heart hurt. Christmas is when we celebrate God's FREE gift to the world. A Savior born to us in the town of David. The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. The gift of God FREELY lavished on us. We did nothing to earn Him. We do nothing to keep Him. He is the greatest gift we will ever receive and He is free. No strings attached. No behavior clauses to fulfill.

How does God feel that we celebrate the day He gave us the FREE gift of His Son by making it about earning love and earning stuff? We've turned Christmas into Santa's Behavior program with requirements not one of us can meet. "You better be good, Santa can see you!" And now instead of eager expectation our kids are filled with guilt and worry. They know that they can not be "good". They know that they fail. They know that sometimes it's just too hard to always do the right thing. And I wonder if they begin to doubt they are enough for God or are enough for us? If all they hear is that they aren't measuring up for us how will they ever believe that someone greater than us loves them just as they are?

And here is a great opportunity, moms, parents, teachers, childcare workers- humans. Acknowledge your child's failure and use it to point them to Christ.

If you're going to talk about right and wrong and behavior and earning gifts at Christmas, then talk to your child about sin and the struggle to do what we should do. Tell her God knew we couldn't do anything right on our own and that's why He gave us Christmas. That's why He gave us Christ and we didn't have to earn Him at all. Tell her Christmas is free even if she yells at her sister for the 9th time today and even if she didn't pass that spelling test and even if she slammed that door shut in anger. Christmas isn't about our imperfection, it's about God's perfect love. So no matter what, there will be a present under the tree. We will celebrate that God never gives up on us. We will rejoice because we will never have to earn His faithfulness.

I know it's hard sometimes not to use everything you've got to try to get our children to behave. But can I ask you to take Christmas out of the arsenal pile? It's not a threat or a punishment- it's a gift. It's free. And it's the best gift your child will ever receive so let her have it- no strings attached.

And watch how your child blossoms under this new found freedom. Watch how she grows under the blanket of love and hope instead of punishment and fear. Watch how she learns to talk to God and to you about the things she struggles with and how she genuinely wants to try to do better.

And if you still really want to withhold a holiday, take away President's Day. No one cares about that anyway. :)

10 Years!

I have been married today for 10 years. 10.Years.

That's a long time. That's a lot of life with one man by my side. 

I met Reuben 12 years ago when I was just a 20 year-old kid still figuring myself out. I knew I loved Jesus,  but I didn't know anything that I was really passionate about beyond that. I was still coming into my own. When I was trying to decide what I wanted to do and where I belonged, I met this man who had this way of telling me I belonged wherever he was. I fit into him like my favorite fall sweater and he filled in all the spaces I never knew were empty.  I grew up with that man. Am still growing up with him.

We were just kids! Kids I say!

Reuben has always made me laugh. Not just that polite little laugh when something is slightly humorous, but that belly laugh where your stomach hurts and tears fall from your eyes and you wonder what life was like before you laughed that way. He always says that if we can keep laughing with each other we'll always be okay. The thing is though, he also holds me when I cry. And after 10 years as husband and wife- I've cried a lot of tears. We've been through two of the hardest seasons of my life together: I lost my sister to lupus just 3 years into our marriage and just a few months ago I was drowning so deep in postpartum depression I wasn't sure I'd ever touch dry land again.  And God was constant. And Reuben was constant. He holds me when I cry which is just as important to me as making me laugh. 

That man, he sacrifices a lot for me, too. He gets up every week day and goes to a 9-5 that puts food on our table and a roof over our heads so I can live my dream of a simple life at home with our children homemaking, homeschooling, resting and writing. He's got dreams, too and a 9-5 isn't one of them but he gladly pursues his own dreams late hours into the night so I can have mine all day every day. He wears sacrifice like a cloak and isn't that what Jesus asked? That Reuben would love me the way Jesus loved His people? Laying down a life so that others can live? He's not perfect and sometimes that sacrifice comes with complaint but He's willing and if that doesn't say love I don't know what does. I've learned more about sacrifice and gratitude from marriage than from any other venue in life.

There have been hard times. There have been clench your fist and your teeth and bare it times. There have been, "We were too young", "We weren't ready", "We had no idea", "Is this really what we signed up for?" times. And there has been so much grace we had to learn how to breathe all over again. Breathe God's grace instead of anger. Breathe God's grace instead of blame, disappointment, shame, fear, doubt. You know what? We're still learning.  But when my husband extends grace instead of blame? I know that he's coming closer to understanding the grace God extends to him, too. When I can forgive instead of harbor anger? Well...if you know you're loved, you can love. And if you know you're forgiven, you can forgive. Thanks be to God He keeps reminding us we're loved and forgiven and filled with grace.

I'm not sure why Lincoln is so upset, but Reuben and I are having a great time!

And to me this day is only a little about going back and revisiting the memories from 10 years ago- the dress, the music, the look in his eyes when he said he would forever and forever. But it's a lot about where we are right now and where we are heading. It's about the lessons we've learned that have built a solid foundation under these 10 years. It's about the "I'm sorrys" and those belly laughs that came after we said "I do". I won't look back too long because there's this theme that's been echoing in my heart and it's "the best is yet to come".  My best body? (After 4 kids probably not.) Our best years? Absolutely. Because even though my hair has changed, and my stomach has changed, and our free time looks different and our finances are different, I will take all those changes because they mean we have been doing this marriage thing together for 10 whole years and we have moved forward in really big ways. Because the way we disagree is also different and our expectations of each other and the house and date night and our day to day are different, too. Our picture of true love has changed and our understanding of what it takes to make marriage work has been altered...by marriage. :)  

And I am still so very much in love with the man who shows me every day that where I belong is still wherever he is.

The best is yet to come.

I love you, Reuben. Happy Anniversary.